SISTER OF THE SOIL?

16 MAY 2011 - and I decide that if nothing else, surely I can have a garden that smiles and looks nice. So off we hie to the local co-op and buy 110 (expensive) winter bulbs for the garden that I plan to create.

I diligently and with great care plant :

• 35 Freesias


• 25 Fabiolas


• 25 Tritonias


• 25 Anemomes

I plant an inconceivable number of Nasturtium seeds and Hollyhocks (and then notice that the Hollyhocks will only bloom in ELEVEN MONTHS!!)

I get creative and plant 3 Hyacinths in a beautiful glass bowl with water and colourful pebbles. They'll stay inside and brighten my world too.

I plant a Yukka tree, I move wild African Violets around, transplanting them with great care. I stake up rambling rose bushes and plant 5 chilli bushes (which I later learn will promptly die with the first sign of frost). I plant bushels of Parsley (which the chickens immediately eat off so that only bare stalks are left poking out the ground). I plant Fennel and Coriander, Mint and Garlic Chives.

At the end of the day, I am well pleased with myself. I am a sister of the soil, a woman of Africa, I am the creator of all things bright and beautiful in my tiny and wild little world.

The man comes home (after playing with his tractor or something) and I proudly display my still sparse but clearly worked-on garden, and as a grand finale, my beautiful bowl with 3 Hyacinth bulbs sitting on top, waiting to bring us sunshine.

Man : Those bulbs are upside down.
Me : No, can't be.
Man : Did you read the packet?
Me : Yes.....but.....
Man : Are you sure?
Me : (silence)
Man : Those bulbs are upside down.

Sigh. I say a silent prayer that I have purchased intelligent bulbs that will somehow grow down, and then up. ONE HUNDRED AND TEN WINTER BULBS!

I can't dig them up, as the man so cleverly suggested - they are strewn in wild abandon all over the place, interspersed with hundreds of tiny little seeds - I know not where they are!

Note to self : Perhaps one shouldn't approach gardening like cooking, or painting abstract art. Perhaps this requires a bit more fore-thought or structure....

I have failed my winter bulbs. I have condemned them to grow upside down into the very depths of the cold dark earth. How very sad.

PS : It is 17 June now, and nothing, apparently, is growing down and then up......faith like potatoes dear heart, it may still happen!